Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time
Recently, Ben and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. I shared some pics over here.
Over lunch, I was reflecting with Ben on the forgiveness work I had to do on myself in the months *after* our wedding.
I want to tell you a little bit about why…
One part of my mind thought I didn’t “feel the right way” on my wedding day.
Around 6 months prior, my Dad had been given a really terrible terminal diagnosis. We fast tracked our engagement + wedding as we were unsure on what the future held.
In the lead up to our wedding, I’d been processing some heavy grief about what we were walking through.
On our wedding day, of course I felt joy and happiness to be marrying Ben.
But I also felt a deep sense of sadness for Dad & what he was going through.
I actually felt very overwhelmed by all the emotions that were surfacing. They felt inconvenient on a day that was supposed to be about being happy.
I woke up the next day and wondered whether I had experienced the whole day in a ‘wrong way’.
It took me a number of months to process this and I want to share the important reminder that surfaced for me.
I've supported many clients through important life transitions over the years like:
Getting married
Moving countries
Having a child
Starting a new job
Getting into a new relationship
What I’ve witnessed is that very rarely are our feelings about these experiences 1 dimensional.
For example:
Yes we can feel the joy of welcoming a child into the world, but also feel resentful about losing some of our freedoms.
Yes we can feel excited about being in a new relationship but nervous and fearful about whether the person is right for us.
Yes we can feel grateful for a new opportunity at work, but worried we're not capable of doing a good job.
Culturally we are taught that when experiencing big life events, one emotion is acceptable (and it’s normally only the positive one!)
I don’t believe this is true or right.
It also sets us up to fail.
(Side note: I see this as being extremely prevalent for women in motherhood).
So why I'm sharing this with you today is, let’s normalise not having a “culturally acceptable” emotional experience of something important in our lives.
Your feelings are valid.
Even if they don’t fit the expected mould.
Two things can be true at the same time.
Yes I felt sad, but there was also a lot of joy on the day.
Both were valid.
Both were safe to feel.
The more I validated the experience I had, the more joy I’ve been able to sit in about the day. I look back on our wedding now and experience it quite differently.
So, I hope this note reaches you if you've had some similar feelings about an event(s) in your life.
I hope it reassures you that your feelings aren't wrong and that two things can be true at the same time.
Keen for more?
Listen to Episode 16: When It Feels Different To What You Expected
Episodes are available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and also over on my website.