One of my favourite quotes by Brene Brown is

“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Just stand your sacred ground.”

To me, this is what embodying true, feminine power is all about.

True feminine power comes from knowing that you source stability, approval, acceptance and love from within, no matter what's going on around you or who may be approving of you or what you're achieving.

In this post, I’m discussing the most common ways I see that as women, we give our power away to other people (especially at work), although each of these are relevant across many different areas of life.

Let’s dive in:

People Pleasing

I would say almost all of the women I work with in my 1:1 programs identify with being a people pleaser on one level or another.

It’s hard for us to honour our own needs, to feel confident and certain in our decision making, when underneath we’re also focussed on what decisions and choices will either prevent us from being judged or gain the most approval from other people.

Like most of our patterns, people pleasing is a pattern that was created a long time ago. Growing up, our deepest need was to feel safe.

Approval from caregivers = safety.

If on some level we felt that acceptance, love, approval wasn’t offered freely as a child, or it was conditional (i.e. you received this only when you were good, compliant etc.) we learn to take on ‘roles’ in order to receive this approval, and therefore to feel safe.

For example:

Dad yelled, that made me feel unsafe, or:

Mum was stressed and worried, that made me feel unsafe.

In both instances, I go into ‘good girl’ mode and do something pleasing for them.

Dad stops yelling.

Mum smiles at me and gives me a hug.

The mind says - “Great! That worked. I’m safe again. Let’s do that again.” And so the pattern of pleasing people is formed.

The inner child within all of us believes that if we can just get everyone to agree and approve of us, then we can take a deep breath and feel safe.

Only, we twist ourselves into a pretzel trying to become someone and do things that other people find pleasing which creates a lot of overwhelm, stress and self abandonment.

We have to learn to create a sense of safety and comfort around people not agreeing with us, or approving of our choices and decisions.

It’s safe for people to disagree with you.

It’s safe for people to not be onboard with your decisions.

None of this needs to define how you feel about yourself. One of the biggest mistakes we make as women is letting the perceived lack of approval from others, inform how we feel about ourselves.

If we’re to step out and allow ourselves to rise to a new level in our work (and not just work, really any aspect of our lives), we’re going to need to step out of the safety net of pleasing people.

When you know how to Own Your Power, you accept all parts of yourself and know how to confidently source the only approval that matters - the approval from within yourself.

When the child within you feels as though she has your support and approval, she feels safe and you don’t need to go and search for it outside of you.

Learning how to step into your own power, feel certain and confident in your decisions and to navigate the triggers of pleasing people is a big part of my course, Own Your Power check it out here.

Comparison

The mind loves to make comparisons and size up whether we’re good enough based on what we see other people doing. Have you ever found yourself looking around at your peers, colleagues, friends, other people in your industry and wonder whether you’re doing enough?

Comparison leaks our energy and personal power.

When we are looking over to our left and right and comparing ourselves, we lose momentum. Comparison causes us to question ourselves, our abilities and our decisions. It creates a cycle of searching, striving and often leads us onto a path that isn’t even meant for us.

Comparison is bred through a lack-based energy, or we are looking at our own path through the lens of “not enough”.

The constant pressure to be more, different or better is detrimental to the inner child (your inner self) who longs for your acceptance and praise.

The inner child within all of us is really just asking “Is what I’m doing enough?” “Am *I* good enough?”

Each of us have important lessons, a specific ‘curriculum’ if you will, that is unique to us. There’s a very unique path that has been laid out of us in this lifetime. It really doesn’t make sense to compare your path to someone else's.

When you’re focussed on what you have and what you are now (without needing to feel like you have to be more, different or better), it allows you to step into a place of fullness and reconnects you with your power.

You are infinitely more powerful, expansive and magnetic when you are filled with your own approval and acceptance. It draws your focus back to your own path and journey and allows you to sit in the joy, fulfillment and satisfaction of the now, without constantly striving for more to feel good enough.

Future Tripping

What else pulls us out of our power? Worrying about the future.

Trying to figure out all of the minute details of future steps on your path from where you’re sitting now.

We can spend hours up in the mind trying to figure out what’s coming next. It feels like a tape that just goes round and round in our minds. We end up recycling the same thought patterns and don’t make a lot of headway.

It's hard to feel powerful, and purposeful when we are rushing, when we are feeling frantic and overwhelmed about what’s ahead.

Here’s the truth, we’re not always meant to know what’s coming next.

There will be times in our work and in our lives where we *do* feel clear about what’s next. Times where we are drawing opportunities to us and the right people are showing up at the right time, but not every season is like this. And that’s okay.

We can’t expect ourselves to be in a state of flow, where things are just constantly moving towards us, all of the time.

If you’re a Type A person (like me!) you’ll be someone who is always wanting to see movement in your life and work and to feel like you’re always getting somewhere, and as though you have a clear plan in place.

If you want to experience more ease and peace in your life, you’ve got to let go of the idea that clarity is something you’ll always have.

When you know how to Own Your Power, you trust the journey of life, even in uncertainty.

Rather than trying to control outcomes, or forcing your way to the answers, you know how to sit in uncertainty and allow the next steps on your path to be made clear.

You’re able to access feelings of safety, stability and ease, even when you can’t see how things will work out. You trust that life will support you with all that you need.

Trying To Find Our Worth Through What We Do & Achieve

A big part of reclaiming our sense of personal power is to look at the ways we are searching for our power (and our sense of worth) outside of ourselves.

Many of the ambitious, high achieving women I work with don’t identify with the idea that they have self-worth stuff to work on, especially when they hold roles with responsibility, they manage teams of people and have a proven track record of success.

Here’s the thing - most people don’t walk around with a conscious story of “I’m not worthy” or “I have low self worth”

But the truth is wounding around our sense of worth, and our worthiness is universal and affects all of us as humans.

It may be that you don’t have a conscious thought pattern of “I’m not good enough” - but it’s more evident in your actions and behaviours.

Pushing yourself to do more. Not allowing yourself to relax unless you get to the next level. Feeling like you’re not doing enough for other people. Constant pressure.

The messaging or the energy underneath this is -

“I’m not good enough...yet.”

“I need to prove myself...more”.

We keep pushing ourselves in an attempt to feel more sure of our worth and value. Only this keeps us hooked in this cycle of performing, pushing and pressure and inner conflict.

When you know how to Own Your Power, you understand that your worthiness doesn’t come from outside of you. You know that worth and value is separate from what you do and how much you achieve.

It's not something to be earnt (no matter how hard you work) and it can’t be taken away. You can feel good about yourself with or without the approval of others. This understanding sets you free.

If you’d like more I’d encourage you to go and check out my course, Own Your Power.

Own Your Power is a self paced digital course for ambitious women who are seeking to more fully own their expertise and work from a place of genuine confidence and self belief.

I’ve condensed down some of my most powerful techniques and tools into an easily digestible course. It’s a beautiful blend of inner healing work, emotional and energetic clearing techniques and powerful guidance.

Learn more about Own Your Power here.

How We Give Our Power Away At Work (And What To Do Instead)